Mondays Moment of Wisdom - Pearl Number 45

"Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together" - Marilyn Monroe

I love finding these little pearls of wisdom that really mean something to my life. This one means a lot to me and I'm trying hard to apply it's meaning to my life right now. If you read my blog regularly or follow me on twitter or Instagram you'll know that me and my little family have just been on holiday and it was a much needed and deserved break. My OH booked a luxury five star stay in Portugal as a treat to make up for our heartache over losing our pregnancy earlier on in the year and it has really helped these last couple of weeks having this break to look forward to.

We left for the airport in the middle of the night, LC woke up when we did and got very excited while we all got ready to go, she slept a bit in the car on the way but considering the lack of sleep she had had she was amazingly well behaved at the airport, on the plane and generally for the first 3 days of our trip whilst we stayed in the first hotel in the city of Faro which is beautiful by the way. We found the locals so friendly and helpful and just enjoyed shopping, eating and lazing round the pool in the sunshine. On our last night there we went to an open air concert, LC loved it and surprisingly fell asleep in the middle of it all in her stroller! OH and I got very drunk and danced the night away with each other which is something we rarely have the chance to do these days, it was magical and so fun!

The next day we moved on to the Hilton resort with hideous hangovers and that's when it all started to unravel a bit, as you can imagine we felt awful, dehydrated in hot weather and had to wait 3 hours to check in so we just vegged out on the huge sofas in the lobby. LC coped with her parents being hungover very well but it was no fun for her, poor baby and we felt rubbish about wasting a day then to top it off my period which was two days late reared its ugly head which obviously for someone who is hoping to have another baby was not well received...

The 3 days following became quite odd and I lapsed a bit into a funk, I felt moody about about my time of the month, a princess was having a baby and the whole world was celebrating, people announced pregnancies on Facebook and to top things off there we several heavily pregnant mums sat round the pool in their bikinis serving as a constant reminder of what I didn't have and after almost two and a half years of trying, just couldn't achieve...

As always my wonderful OH took care of me, he gave me space to think while he went swimming with LC who just adored having several swimming pools to choose from each day. He made me laugh, he held me tight when I needed to cry and he let me pour my heart out when I wanted to talk. He also helped me to put myself back together again, look to the future and most importantly inspired me to start enjoying our holiday once more, which I did. In the time I had to lounge around while they swam I read and read so much about healing, mindfulness, fertility and moving on from feeling low and I have come across some ideas that have really stuck with me. One decision I have made is to actually start writing more about my experiences with secondary infertility and miscarriage, in the past a few people have encouraged me to write on my blog about this but I have always felt there was never a place for it here BUT now I'm starting to feel that there is, more than anything I just feel now that the processes of doing this will really help me to heal a bit, so from time to time I will be posting more on this and I hope maybe, it may help others too. I have also decided to take control of my future fertility and I am excited to be going to see a fertility specialist next week so more on this coming soon!

So in the end, after I fell apart a bit, I found a way, with a bit of help to pull myself together and our holiday started to go great again. We got upgraded to an apartment suite when we checked in at the Hilton which was so lovely and we really made the most of it. I bought some beautiful jewellery from the local boutiques, we made friends with another family and we left feeling relaxed and invigorated but also inspired and positive about really going for the things we want, we made some decisions about the next steps in our immigration plan and what may come next and came up with some ideas on how to balance our chaotic lives a bit better, now I can honestly say I'm feeling excited and motivated!

Unfortunately I did bring a tummy bug home though so I've spent the weekend getting over that but I think a little bit of extra rest has done me some good. So now it's time to see how all those better things will fall together as I have this tingly feeling inside that the next half of this year will really start to get good again!