Pearl of Wisdom No.65 - Choosing Hope over Fear

"Hope is the only thing stronger than fear"

Today's Pearl of Wisdom comes from a lovely lady and is for anyone struggling with anxiety. She writes at Lizzie Somerset, is pint sized just like me and understands the ups and downs of motherhood and mental health. She's passionate about family, her faith and where she lives and I'm proud to also call her my friend, hope your enjoy her story.

Hi!

This is one of the motivational quotes I pinned on Pinterest, it was the moment I decided to take positive steps to change. It was one if those light bulb moments that started to turn the table on fear, anxiety & self-doubt.

I'm a stay at home mum with two young children, Sweet Harry 3 & Sweet Bea 10 months. I've had social anxiety since about 9 years old.  I gave up my job & I threw myself into everything baby.

I stopped looking after myself though, put on weight, hardly ever did exercise or had my hair cut,  I didn't make an effort with my appearance. I felt pretty awful & old before my time.

When I was pregnant with SB I knew she would be our last so it was time to claim my body back.

'I wanted more than that...time out of the house on my own'

I think most women want to lose weight after having a baby, but I wanted more than that...time out of the house on my own, facials, haircuts (who knew before kids that having a haircut would be a luxury)!! I knew it was up to me to make myself heard, push myself forward & ask for this time.

We had to juggle some things around but I knew it was vital. I'd put other's needs before my own. All very noble, but an exhausted mama is good to no-one!!

Three months after SB was born I joined Weight Watchers & so far I've lost 22lbs with about 7lb to go! I joined the gym, sometimes I just sat in the steam room, or had a coffee, it was all very positive change for me & benefitted all of us.

'Fear had moved into my safe place'

Then one day, out of nowhere, a dark cloud came over me. I would liken it to a light switch being turned off. One minute I was in full light with my normal level of anxiety simmering away, the next I was in total darkness, severely anxious & worse, afraid.

I was fearful every day, afraid of my own mind & the awful thoughts.  I couldn't sleep & I had panic attacks in bed.  I've had many panic attacks before, but always in big, unknown cities, in crowds, in hot spaces; never in the safety of my own home.  Fear had moved into my safe place.

Panic attacks were a daily occurrence now, I couldn't function, my head was full, I couldn't think straight.  Post Natal Anxiety had come to stay a while.

Hubs encouraged me to go the doctor, I am thankful for a supportive husband.  I asked to see a lady doctor & she was amazing.  After chatting things through we agreed that I wouldn't go on medication & she referred me for counselling.

Along with the huge support of my closest friends, church & my amazing family, I have gone through counselling, started blogging, & been more open about my anxiety than ever before.  I've been healed of fear through prayer & through NHS counselling for which I will always be grateful.

One of the most useful tools I was given during counselling was Mindfulness. It totally turned things around for me; I would highly recommend it for stress or anxiety.  Now when I feel that red hot anxiety come over me I just do a mindfulness exercise.

You can download an app called Headspace which helps me practice Mindfulness on my iPhone. You can get the link HERE

Also key for me were the words 'no guilt'.  I'm the sort of person that would feel guilty about everything, that I wasn't a good enough mum, or wife, or friend.  Why was I so tired all the time, why didn't I have enough energy?  Now I just say 'I'm tired but no guilt' it changes the atmosphere.

Another key decision was to remove a particularly unhelpful social media site from my phone.  I was advised to set a timer when I went on any social media, so I wouldn't get too distracted.  I now put 5 minutes on my time on social media sites, & keep my iPhone & iPad in one place, so I won't lose them (I used to lose my phone on a regular basis, making me anxious).

It’s been a hard road & I've worked hard on these things & so much more, there have been tears. But the counselling has given me tools & skills I can use, & I can honestly say 2013 was the year I made positive changes in my life.

I still have anxiety & stressful situations the same as anyone else, but it's manageable now.  More than that I finally have some headspace!!

'If you are anxious & afraid, are you fed up with it?'

I always think of this verse when I think of my anxiety which helps me, Psalm 23 v4
'Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me'

If you are anxious & afraid, are you fed up with it? Decide to do something about it. Only you can turn things around, but ask for help.

'Telling people you have anxiety or need advice is not an admission of weakness! It's an admission that we are strong enough to know something needs to change.'

Telling people you have anxiety or need advice is not an admission of weakness! It's an admission that we are strong enough to know something needs to change. Being open about it somehow gives the fear & anxiety less power, I can't explain it, but hiding it for so many years was my worst enemy.

Be kind to yourself. Be positive. Make a change & work hard at it, I promise it's worth it. 

If you still need convincing, have a look at my Pinterest Motivation Board.  It is crammed full of positive quotes including the one I quoted above.  I couldn't have unlocked my positive nature without this help.

Thank you for reading & thanks to Karen of 365 Pearls of Wisdom to asking me to share some of my story.

love Lizzie xoxo

Mondays Moment of Wisdom - Pearl Number 64

Isn't that a great quote? This has been bouncing around in my head all weekend! 

I'm still trying very carefully to listen to my inner voice, she's actually screaming right now but that's another story for a later date and time, faith and patience will settle her down, oh and lots of meditation, I'm really getting in to being mindful right now, it's helping me manage a bit of anxiety that has surface recently and I have to say it's the best medicine ever!

Anyway back to today's Pearl of Wisdom, knowing who we are now but not who we'll be...

I find the possibility of this quite exciting, I'm not entirely sure who I am right now, but I'm the surest I've ever been, I'm getting to know myself very well and am finding a lot of peace with who I'm evolving into, it's taken some time and patience and a whole lots of soul searching, getting to this point now can only mean, I hope, that things will get better in the future...

Do you ever take a moment to imagine how life will be in 1, 5 or even 20 years time?

What does that look like for you?

Does it scare or thrill you?

I believe we all have the power to determin our destiny and so not knowing who I may become really excites me because I know it's in my hands to shape this, what do you think?

Do you believe that you can change the course of your future, who you will become?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, do leave a comment bellow!

Feel Good Friday - Links I love...

How are we all feeling this week? It's been the first week back at it after Christmas and the New Year for many of us, although I was working all through the festive season (I'm sure you can all hear my violins!)

So this week has been an exhausting one for me, we have so many changes going on at home and these are having a bit of a knock on effect on me at the moment! How do you deal with life  and energy levels when you are met with an onslaught of life complications?

Do share because I'm in need of some pep right now!

I have managed to keep my eyes open long enough to surf the web for some great bedtime reading and want to share these lovelies with you...

If, like me, you have some littles in your life you want to inspire too look no further, this is a great place to start.

So your first week back to reality really did suck? Don't sweat it, Gala Darling has the recipe for a better one next week.

Find out why this super moon through January is setting the tone for the rest of your year to come.

Make like a cat and relaaaax this weekend.

Fancy a sweet treat to keep you comforted in the stormy weather? How to use up your Christmas goodies.

 Alexandra Frazen has 555 words to share with you on her thoughts about hate blogging.

I actually googled hate blogger forums last night and was gob-smacked to see what people were really saying about other, mostly well known, bloggers, it saddened me to read what others were writing about some of my favourite bloggers and completely puzzled me to why people would actually want to spend their time behaving in such a judgemental and toxic manner, as Aleandra points out herself, isn't this kind of energy and usage of time better spent making some noise about some of the awful things that really take place in this world, who cares where some one met their husband or how some one wears their make up when children, women and men alike are still suffering in many horrendous ways all around the world. Puts my my anxieties and insecurities in to perspective when their are other people about who feel its OK to project their bitterness, cruelty and bullying ways on to other, I wonder why they feel the need to do this? Have you read any of these forums? Do you know any hate bloggers? How would you deal with this?

Anyway Happy Friday to you all, this post has been a labour of love due to not being able to get the photo I wanted for it to be just right, I gave up in the end and used this old Instagram one of Miss LC and myself, it might not be the best quality but I love it!

Mondays Moment of Wisdom - Pearl Number 63

What does it mean to have a relationship with yourself, do you know?

I thought I did, I thought I knew all about what this meant, having self esteem, learning to love who you are, eating well, believing in yourself, nourishing your mind and body and having some "me" time (whatever that is!), these were all things that sprung to my mind when thinking about a relationship with myself, but something still felt like it was missing.

I certainly knew the theory, read any self help book, blog or article and it will always touch on one or some of these, or even just something similar, we are always told we can't love another authentically until we love ourselves and this I do agree with however it just doesn't seem like I've truly been engaging in a relationship with myself or rather the flame of passion for all thing me it out!

So what was going on here then?

Why am feeling like I'm still not honoring a relationship with myself?

Well, I don't have all the answers right now, I won't pretend to give you a five step point by point guide to falling love with you because I need to get some more practice myself and this is where I think it may hold the key for me. I think that after all these years I should be in a blissed out state of higher love with myself, god knows I have worked so hard on me but I have come to realise that all the things I have learnt were just the tip of the iceberg and that actually, putting self love in to practice, really honing in on the things you've come to know about yourself and evolving what that looks and feels like is what it's all about. Life changes, your world changes and what is important to you changes, new challenges, wants and desires come up all the time which means you are constantly having to adapt to who you are, this is good but also it constantly changes your dynamic with yourself which means, I think, that you have to continue to practice at having a relationship with yourself, that blissed out state of love does not happen over night, it takes time and will mean different things at different times.

Ahhh, so that's what it means, yes?

Hmmm, maybe, maybe not, one thing I know for sure is it's a very personal thing, I will put my hands up and say yes, I believe having a true meaningful relationship on your terms does take practice and will forever need your attention, I also think it means listening to your inner voice and that is definitely something different to all of us.

Have you listened to your inner voice yet?

I for one haven't for a very long time and it's something I have been thinking a lot about over the last few days I feel like I want to dedicate a lot of time this month really tuning in to mine, I have seen glimpses over the last 6 months but now it time to really get to know her well...

So what does having a relationship mean to you? Any wiser?

What does your inner voice say, know her well enough yet?

I'd love for you to share your thoughts below...

2014: Why I want to make resolutions and how it could help you too...

Hey - Happy New Year!

It's been a while, I've taken a nice long blogging break and it actually felt really good! I spent some precious time with my family, eaten lots of tasty treats and threw away the guilt! I've indulged myself with books, movies, walks and baking and gotten some space from the world, somewhere I could really breath, relax and look a round me a bit, yeah - it's felt really good!

But now here we are, a brand new shiny year - how are you feeling about it?

I'm feeling pretty excited, so far it looks to be something quite big and adventurous for us, lots of change and new horizons to see and conquer. I know for a lot of people though that New Years has started to loose it's sparkle and as for resolutions, well they're a waste of time. In fact I've read lots lately about people not bothering with them, it's seems that there are a lot of you out there who think they are old fashion, pointless and something else that just serves to make you feel bad, am I right?

Well, for a brief minute, and I mean brief, I wondered if I should bother too. I have always made them and they have always ended up being something I suck at. I would make resolutions that were unrealistic for me or ones that I couldn't really comit to, I would reflect back at them and think what a waste of my time, that was until last year...

December 31st 2012 I posted my New Year resolution for the coming year feeling rather pleased about myself and this is why - I came at them from a different perspective! Nothing fancy, no magical formula, I just looked at them in a different light. I decided that if I was going to make some New Years goals that were going to be meaningful to me and actually stick then I had to make them with a view to changing how I did things, I had to approach them with a new frame of mind. Looking back I have achieved about half of them, not bad I suppose. There are ones I didn't quite get to so am going to include them again this year, fingers crossed I get to nail them all this time!

So while everyone else is giving resolutions for this coming year the cold shoulder, I'm jumping right in and making mine my bestest yet, here they are....

•  Make a tulle skirt for Miss LC (And maybe one for myself!).
• Find a weekly exercise routine I love that fits in with my schedule.
• Save 5% of my monthly income.
• Learn how to make tasty dishes and snacks with Quinoa.
• Take Miss LC to London (Hopefully for Canada Day!).
• Write, compile and publish an e-course for my blog (eekk!).
• Practice Mindfulness more when I'm feeling stressed or anxious
• Finish one book a month from my bedside stack (my hubby is rolling his eyes!).
• Learn more about Aromatherapy, Tarot Reading and Astrology!!!
• Improve my photography and writing skills by taking a course.
• Practice grace and gratitude daily.
• Find our new family home.

I have gone for twelve again (umm, sort of!), the same as last year as I like the idea of roughly being able to achieve one a month. I intend to reflect on them more this year too so by having something new to get to grips with each month keeps me on my toes and moving forward! I also like making them public, by putting them out their on my blog and allowing others to see what they are makes me feel more committed to them, I do this because it's what works for me, I believe in resolutions or something that resembles them because warms the corners of my heart to think of all the hope and possibilities that the New Year will bring and it brings some closure for the things that didn't go to plan for the year that has just passed. Having a focus stops me from entering the new year feeling miserable, dejected and fuzzy (although a bit of champagne might not help with this!)

For more ideas on how to approach resolutions and break free from being to boring or traditional with them and to stop yourself from setting ones you will easily give up on have a look at this How to make resolutions that stick  

If you're making resolutions, plans, a bucket list or even just thinking about one thing that you are going to aspire to for the coming year why not share it below too? Or maybe you truly hate them, tell me about that too!